April 25th, 2007
i just got my first horsefly bite of the season
and am sitting calmly in front of a fan
letting the benedryl open my breathing back up.
i hate this feeling.
the 'hey look, im almost in anaphylactic shock' feeling.
like ive run full speed into a brick wall.
the good news is this means its officially summer.
i will write more later. my internet on my laptop is broken, so i am constricted to the work computer. which, needlesstosay, sucks.
April 18th, 2007
hey, guess what happens ONE MONTH from today?????
thats right. homegirl runs the fuck away from maryland.
beautiful. theres a whole different entry hidden underneath here in which i tell you all about the zen story of the monk carrying a woman across a stream. and about how i am forgiving maryland.
that entry will be written some other time.
April 16th, 2007
the wind outside is amazing.
i think that its bad that one of the things that i miss most about florida (its a very short list) is the feeling in the air right before a hurricane. where the wind is starting to pick up and the electricity is tangible.
if i had my way, i would wrap myself in my sleeping bag and spend the day outside being blown around in my hammock.
its times like this that make me curious about what i will miss from maryland when im gone...
the monuments at night when i come around the corner on the george washington parkway...
the street vendor hot dogs...
the graffitti along the metro ride into the city...
time, anne. its all about timing...
April 13th, 2007
if you had told me at this time last year about everything that would be happening to me in the coming 12 months, i wouldnt have believed you. one bit.
but here i am.
and this is in fact what has happened.
and i think that that is a sign of a very good year.
and it gives me hope that next year will be even better.
its all about faith in the process.......
April 12th, 2007
the world is less one brilliant man today...
kurt vonnegut is dead.
i'll be drinking for us both today, sir.
April 10th, 2007
you know what the cool thing about being anne is?
in seven weeks, my hair will be turned into dreadlocks under a gorgeous mountain sky
by the woman who houses the other half of my soul, her phenominally beautiful boyfriend and amazingly rad little sister, and the woman who makes me swoon. a lot.
thats right. i ordered the kit today. comb, wax, how to booklet, and everything.
in seven weeks, i will officially be
a knotty girl.
April 9th, 2007
so my parents sent me a check this year for easter.
which is very sweet and lovely.
but this is the first year that they have sent money instead of my easter basket.
i am guessing this means im an adult now.
but the thing is
i have money.
sure, this is great money
and sure i could go use it to buy candy.
and besides that, i probably dont need a basket full of sweet things.
i guess i just wasnt ready for that.
we're adults. when did this happen? and how do we make it stop?
but actually. the cool thing about being an adult (other than the booze and the sex and the being able to eat nothing but cornflakes for three weeks if you want) is the roadtrips (which of course often involve booze, sex, and cornflakes).
weekend after next, i am going to a fabulous hippie festival in massachusettes with ali and amy.
yea, thats the wrong question.
i prefer why not?
on a side note- we have an awesome show opening in a few weeks. its called I AM MY OWN WIFE. its about a transgendered woman living in berlin during the holocaust and cold war. its a one man show and is absolutely breathtaking. i encourage any of yall living in the dc metro area to come see it. let me know and i can get you tickets.
April 4th, 2007
there is a quote in saftey of objects-
"its the life youve made- dont act like its not yours"
thats how im feeling today.
and its so double sided, of course.
i can look around at the messes and know that they are messes that i have made.
these are my flaws manifested through actions that have now matriculated into situations.
but the successes and joy are vast.
and i take responsibility for those, too.
most importantly, i have made the active choice to surround myself with the most amazing people in the world.
im going great places, and im going to have a marvelous time doing it.
so today, i am actively being more than the sum of my flaws....
thats an easy trap to get caught up in.
but i am not there today.
i am restless.
because the things the very select ammount of things that are unpleasant in my life are not things i have any control over. i cannot fix these things. i have no control.
but this is the life ive made.
at some point way back along the line- i created this.
meh. this entry is going nowhere. i doubt i am conveying what i am thinking or feeling.
the point, really, is that i am taking pride in my world today. i am celebrating the control that i am reclaiming.
and i am ready to move on and away....
give me road or give me river and you'll see what im made of.
April 2nd, 2007
so saturday morning at 6:30 am i was walking up the front steps of the crawford house, getting ready to drive a director to the airport. tripped, sandal bent under, and my big toe raked down the edge of the granite stone step.
wrapped it in toilet paper, masking taped the toilet paper to my foot, and went about my day.
a few hours later, when it was starting to turn grey and creating pus, i decided that i should probably go to the ER.
i was fast tracked. soaked my toe for a while. had it xrayed. got a tetanus shot.
then got 10 stitches.
apparently i have a major laceration. thats right, ten stitches on the bottom of my big toe. yea, im a little impressed by it, too. so i cant really walk. i vaguely hobble around. with the special boot they gave me to wear. its awesome, really.
it was the most odd experience of my life. ive never had stitches before. and she totally numbed my toe (yea, people shoot heroin between their toes for fun? let me tell you, there is nothing fun about getting a shot between your toes). so i didnt feel any pain while she was sewing me up, of course. but my body felt like it should be hurting. so the neurons or nerves or whatever kept firing, causing me to convulse slightly. my body knew it should hurt, it just didnt know how to. so it compromised by getting twitchy.
inside this, of course, is a metaphor for something else.
isnt that always the case?
March 30th, 2007
you know what happens 7 fridays from now?
thats right. i leave.
heres the schedule of weekends. because it makes it seem like so much sooner.
1 (we are starting with next weekend, not this one). hanging out in the city with maggie
2. FERRICK in richmond- anyone wanna go? then canoeing with mark.
3. hanging out with Ali. and t if she is available. either in staunton or NYC depending on how fast t's house sells.
4. no plans. but i am on duty. and hosting a closing night party
5. no plans. not on duty so i will probably be out of town. perhaps in NYC.
6. my birthday. so i dont know whats going down, but im sure it will be lovely.
7. peace out, md! parents will be in town, we'll be packing my shit, and then i am heading up TO THE CATSKILLS!
i am a world full of things to look forward to.
i cant wait to be living my life 6 months from now. im so super excited.
my own place in lexington with kellie. with a kitchen and a garden.
and a puppy!!!
working my awesome job.
this is my opiant right now.
i am itching to move on.
im not nearly as bitter as ive been sounding, really.
im a happy kid.
especially considering all thats happened since december.
i truly feel like ive been doing the best i can with what ive got.
and anyone who needs more from me than that is wholly unreasonable.
and i wish silence didnt equal an answer
but i know it does.
which is just something im going to have to accept, i suppose.
its days like this that make me feel like a tourist in my own life.